How to save a life
by redheadturkey
Summary: Sometimes life just kicks you in the butt, and there's nothing you can really do about it, no matter how hard you try. And sometimes you come to realize you can't fix everyone's problems.


_Step one you say we need to talk He walks you say sit down it's just a talk_

Reno paced nervously along the floor of the office he and his partner shared. The words "Partner, we need to talk" didn't do very much to ease his mind at all. When Rude said they needed to talk, it was usually pretty serious. Reno just didn't DO serious, no matter how he tried. Serious wasn't his style. Of course that might be part of what Rude wanted to talk about.

_He smiles politely back at you You stare politely right on through_

That thin lipped smile made the lithe redhead even more nervous than he had been before they'd gotten on shift when those words "we need to talk" had fallen from Rude's mouth. He idly wondered if Rude wanted to talk about that party the other night when Reno had ended up tangled in this pile of limbs that had resembled a Zolom mating ball. But why would he want to talk about that? It was fairly well known Reno wasn't exactly monogamous.

_Some sort of window to your right As he goes left and you stay right_

His fingers tapped out a nervous rythm along his thigh as he waited for Rude to finish his paperwork, then looked up when the big bald man stepped toward him,. ..oh shit. . .that WAS the serious expression. Granted, he'd been pretty careless in the way he lived, but Hell, he was young, he wanted to LIVE for a while. He crossed over and sat on the window seat and Rude headed for the other office chair.

_Between the lines of fear and blame And you begin to wonder why you came_

"Reno. . .we need to talk about where we, as friends, go from here. I've seen the way you've been getting more reckless even than usual lately. I want you to talk to me, to tell me what's going on." That was more words than Rude usually spoke in a week, but it was obvious the worry that was going through his mind now.

_Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend Somewhere along in the bitterness_

Rude actually removed his sunglasses, another very unusual event, but it showed he was utterly serious as those chocolate brown met mint-green. "I feel like I'm LOSING you, Red. ..slowly but surely. You're slipping away back into the nameless faces and the alchohol again. Is it something I did wrong, Red? Talk to me, please."

_And I would have stayed up with you all night Had I known how to save a life_

"Nothin' you did, koiboto." Reno spoke the nickname he used only when he was utterly serious in what he was saying."Was never you. Don't want you to think that." It was not, and had never been, Rude. Hell, Rude was all that was keeping him sane sometimes with the insanity of what they did for a living. It was Reno himself, his efforts to conquer the ennui that had gradually been eating his soul alive.

_Let him know that you know best Cause after all you do know best_

Rude wouldn't speak the words, he couldn't, he was too afraid of losing himself inside of this. Reno had severe problems, something they all knew well. But he LOVED his partner, loved him deeply enough to die for him. He KNEW this was killing the little redhead, a lot more slowly to be sure, but just as certainly as an assassin's bullet.

_Try to slip past his defense Without granting innocence_

Finally he shook his head. He had to do this, he HAD to get Reno to listen to reason. Ever since the mess in the labs when Reno had been missing there for almost 3 weeks the lithe redhead had been pushing everyone else to arm's length. "Reno, I know how you are. You don't like admitting when you're hurt. But sometimes you have to. If you don't talk about it, you can't heal. It just FESTERS."

_Lay down a list of what is wrong The things you've told him all along_

The tiny, barely there nod said Reno had heard him, but he didn't want to deal with the pain. He simply was too emotionally exhausted to do anything but hide it beneath the booze and the sex and the parties. Rude had tried to tell him this so many times, and he knew his partner was right, but he didn't have the strength now.

_And pray to God he hears you And pray to God he hears you_

Rude shook his head, just praying that somehow or another Reno would listen to him, truly listen to what he was saying and do something about it before it was too late and he was lost to them utterly. He knew it would not be long, really. Reno was already showing the signs of the subtle destruction of his soul.

_Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend Somewhere along in the bitterness_

"Please, let me help." The quiet plea once more, for Reno to let his partner in, to stop shoving him away as he had been everyone else.'Might as well just admit it, Rude' he said to himself 'you've fallen in love and there's not a damn thing you can do about it.' It was the absolute truth, but to admit that gave it too much power at this moment in time.

_And I would have stayed up with you all night Had I known how to save a life_

Unfortunatly, as Turks, they were much better at taking lives than in trying to save them, and Rude was beginning to feel more than a little helpless. He didn't know what to DO now, he truly didn't, and that was one of the most frightening things he'd ever had to go through in his life.

_As he begins to raise his voice You lower yours and grant him one last choice_

"I don't know, Rude, ok! I just don't KNOW!" That voice cracked as it was raised, tears lacing through it, but really the lashing out was so typical of Reno anyway. It was different, though, somehow, this time. There was deep fear and sorrow in that shout, and when the slender frame was seated once more tremors could be seen coursing through it.

_Drive until you lose the road Or break with the ones you've followed_

"Do you want to walk away, Red? Do you want to break away and find a life for ourselves?" he asked Reno the question hoping that maybe the clarification would help somewhat. He personally would not object if Reno wanted to leave ShinRa. He'd follow out of love and out of loyalty, because he did care deeply here.

_He will do one of two things He will admit to everything Or he'll say he's just not the same And you'll begin to wonder why you came_

"I'm tired, Rude. .but it's not the kind of tired sleep cures. It's tired of the heart, of the spirit. . .I'm not sure how to CURE that really. I've never been very good at this shit, but then again you KNOW that." Those green eyes when they met Rude's gold-flecked brown were dark. almost lifeless. The damage done had been deeper than anyone had known.

_Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend Somewhere along in the bitterness_

They ended up curled up together in that office chair the entire night, sleep claiming them quickly as Rude did his best to sooth the little redhead's fears. It seemed he'd finally found some measure of peace, even if it was a small one.

The next day's mission was supposed to be routine, deliver some documents, get back to the office, have lunch, go out for a few drinks, go home. "I got 'em dropped, partner. ..let's get back." Those were the last words the little redhead would ever speak. The explosion of the gunshot was loud, louder than one would have expected, at least from Rude's perspective. The only sound Reno made before he dropped was a soft hissing gasp. Crimson met crimson as an everwidening pool of blood surrounded him, until one would not know where blood ended and the vermillion strands began.

"Reno. ..Oh gods, Reno. . ." Rude held the body close as the green eyes slowly grayed over, then slipped closed, the skin slowly losing the vibrant warmth it had possessed in life. Finally, the medics managed to pry the corpse from his arms and make sure he was undamaged.

_And I would have stayed up with you all night Had I known how to save a life_

The graveside service was quiet, and Rude didn't have a whole lot to say that the one being laid to rest would not already have known. So he simply said "I wish I had known. ..how to save a life." before dropping a red rose on the top of the coffin, his steps leading him away into an empty home and now an empty life.


End file.
